We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
