i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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