Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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