she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
