Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
