so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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