Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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