Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
