Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
