he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
