I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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