I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
