So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
