so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Even my vagina gasped.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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