Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
