his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
