i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He's on the porch naked. Help.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
