mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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