So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
