Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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