Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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