just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
