So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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