If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
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