During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
