Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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