is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
