Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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