how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
