it was like eating out sand paper
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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