im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
