why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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