You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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