i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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