It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
