Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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