You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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