Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
