I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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