I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
