fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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