I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
