Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
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I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
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And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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