I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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