Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize