Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
