I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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