So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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