So drunk its hurt
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
