Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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