the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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