meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
NoShamevember. You game?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
