I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
