i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
