My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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