Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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