dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
