he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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