is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
