office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
birth control should be required to get into college
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
