Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
