so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
