Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
