my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
