Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My cat gives me a boner
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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