Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
