Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
