I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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