Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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