My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She announced her abortion via fbk
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
