I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
