How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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