i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This beer is not sobering me up at all
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
