You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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