At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
