I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
