Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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