omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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